The Payoff in Unhappiness

Misery has many things to give to you which happiness cannot give. On the contrary, happiness takes away many things from you. Happiness takes all that you have ever had, all that you have ever been; happiness destroys you.

Misery nourishes your ego, and happiness is basically a state of egolessness. That is the problem, the very crux of the problem. That’s why people find it very difficult to be happy.

That’s why millions of people in the world have to live in misery, have decided to live in misery. It gives you a very, very crystallized ego. Miserable, you are. Happy, you are not. In misery: crystallization; in happiness you become diffused.

If this is understood then things become very clear. Misery makes you special. Happiness is a universal phenomenon, there is nothing special about it. Trees are happy and animals are happy and birds are happy. The whole existence is happy, except man. Being miserable, man becomes very special, extraordinary.

Misery makes you capable of attracting people’s attention. Whenever you are miserable you are attended to, sympathized with, loved. Everybody starts taking care of you. Who wants to hurt a miserable person? Who is jealous of a miserable person? Who wants to be antagonistic to a miserable person? That would be too mean.

The miserable person is cared for, loved, attended to. There is great investment in misery. If the wife is not miserable the husband simply tends to forget her. If she is miserable the husband cannot afford to neglect her. If the husband is miserable the whole family, the wife, the children, are around him, worried about him; it gives great comfort. One feels one is not alone, one has a family, friends.

When you are ill, depressed, in misery, friends come to visit you, to solace you, to console you. When you are happy, the same friends become jealous of you. When you are really happy, you will find the whole world has turned against you.

Nobody likes a happy person, because the happy person hurts the egos of the others.

The others start feeling, “So you have become happy and we are still crawling in darkness, misery and hell. How dare you be happy when we all are in such misery!”

And of course the world consists of miserable people, and nobody is courageous enough to let the whole world go against him; it is too dangerous, too risky. It is better to cling to misery, it keeps you a part of the crowd. Happy, and you are an individual; miserable, you are part of a crowd — Hindu, Mohammedan, Christian, Indian, Arabian, Japanese.

Happy? Do you know what happiness is? Is it Hindu, Christian, Mohammedan?

Happiness is simply happiness. One is transported into another world. One is no longer part of the world the human mind has created, one is no longer part of the past, of the ugly history. One is no more part of time at all. When you are really happy, blissful, time disappears, space disappears.

Albert Einstein has said that in the past scientists used to think that there were two realities — space and time. But he said that these two realities are not two — but two faces of the same single reality. Hence he coined the word spaciotime, a single word. Time is nothing else but the fourth dimension of space.

Einstein was not a mystic, otherwise he would have introduced the third thing also — the transcendental, neither space nor time. That too is there, the witness. And once these three are there, you have the whole trinity. You have the whole concept of trimurti, three faces of God. Then you have all the four dimensions. The reality is four-dimensional: three dimensions of space, and the fourth dimension of time.

But there is something else, which cannot be called the fifth dimension, because it is not the fifth really, it is the whole, the transcendental.

When you are blissful you start moving into the transcendental.

It is not social, it is not traditional, it has nothing to do with human mind at all.

Osho, The Book of Wisdom, Talk #4

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I don’t have any feeling in my legs below the knees.

You don’t have earth contact. There are people who have forgotten their legs completely, and if you forget the legs they are neglected. They need care.

Many people live above the knees and they rarely become aware of that. But if you live above the knees, there is a gap between you and the earth — and the earth is the mother. This is a symptom that you were never deep in love with your mother. This happens only to people who have never been in love with the mother. They lose contact with the earth, because the earth is the mother, and the air is the father. So people who do not have good contact with the father always have breathing trouble. They breathe very shallowly.

It can be changed; there is nothing to be worried about.

[Osho suggested that the questioner stand barefooted on the earth and try to make contact with the earth from inside, forcing her being to flow below her knees. While she was doing this, she should breathe deeply, which would force energy towards the sex center and help grounding. After a few days she would begin to feel the vibration of her being moving towards the magnetic pull of the earth, and the earth moving towards her.

Secondly he suggested that a hot shower immediately followed by a cold one would be helpful to encourage the body to shrink and contract, and that each night before going to sleep, she could massage her feet in a downward motion.

Osho, A Rose is a Rose is a Rose, Talk #17
(This title is no longer available at Osho’s Request)

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Why can’t I stop eating? But that’s not the question; there is something behind that, something else. It sounds ridiculous....

No, don’t judge. If you say ridiculous, you have already condemned it, and that may be part of the problem. That is not the way to get out of any problem. don’t call things names — try to understand.

If a person is eating more it is a symptom of a certain undercurrent.

Food is always a substitute for love. People who don’t love, who somehow miss a life of love, start eating more; it is a love-substitute.

When a child is born, his first love and his first food are the same thing — the mother. So there is a deep association between food and love; in fact food comes first and then love follows. First the child eats the mother, then by and by he becomes aware that the mother is not just food; she loves him too. But of course for that a certain growth is necessary. The first day the child cannot understand love. He understands the language of food, the natural primitive language of all animals. The child is born with hunger; food is needed immediately. Love will not be needed until long after; it is not so much of an emergency. One can live without love one’s whole life, but one cannot live without food — that’s the trouble.

So the child becomes aware of the association of food and love. By and by he feels too, that whenever the mother is very loving, she gives her breast in a different way. When she is not loving, but angry, sad, she gives the breast very reluctantly, or does not give it at all. So the child becomes aware that whenever the mother is loving, whenever food is available, love is available. Whenever food is not available, the child feels love is not available, and vice versa. This is in the unconscious.

Somewhere you are missing a life of love so you eat more — that’s a substitute. You go on filling yourself with food and leave no space inside. So there is no question of love, because there is no space left. And with food things are simple because food is dead. You can go on eating as much as you want — food cannot say no. If you stop eating, the food cannot say that you are offending it. One remains a master with food.

But in love you are no longer the master. Another being enters into your life, a dependency enters into your life. You are no longer independent, and that’s the fear.

Ego wants to be independent and ego won’t allow you to love; it will only allow you to eat more. If you want to love then the ego has to be dropped.

It is not a question of food; food is simply symptomatic. So I will not say anything about food, about dieting or doing anything. Because that won’t help you, you won’t succeed. You can try a thousand and one ways; that won’t help. Rather, I will say forget about food, go on eating as much as you want.

Start a life of love, fall in love, find somebody who you can love, and immediately you will see you are not eating so much.

Have you watched? — if you are happy you don’t eat too much. If you are sad you eat too much. People think that when they are happy they eat too much, but that is absolute nonsense. A happy person feels so fulfilled that he feels no space inside. An unhappy man goes on throwing food into himself.

So I won’t touch on food at all...and you continue as you are, but find a lover.

Osho, Above All, Don’t Wobble, Talk #12

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Don’t Decide in the Nighttime

I am in difficulty in the relationship with my girlfriend and I wonder whether to continue it or not.

Don’t be in a hurry, because what happens is that the mind has light moments and dark moments, day moments and night moments. When it is a day moment everything feels very good; you can see everything clearly.

When night comes everything become dark and you cannot see anything clearly.

There is every possibility you may decide something when it was nighttime, a dark moment, a low energy moment. If you decide something in that moment, it will not be wise because you have seen beautiful moments also with this woman.

Just think: we are sitting here, it is light, you can see me and you can see everybody here, you can see the trees — and then suddenly the electricity goes off. Now you cannot see anybody here; the trees and everything are gone. Will you say that now the trees no more exist and the people no longer exist? If you say that, that will be too early a decision. Can’t you remember that there was a light a few moments ago and people were there and the trees were green and everything was there and things were clear?

When the night is there, remember the day too — don’t forget it — and soon the day will be coming. Whenever you have to decide, it is always good to decide in daytime; then your life will have a positivity. If you decide in the nighttime your life will become negative. That’s my distinction between a man who is religious and a man who is not religious: the non-religious man always decides about his life in the nighttime, he decides in a negative state. That’s why he cannot say God is — he says there is no God. All no’s together become a big no: “There is no God.” All yes’s together become a big yes: “Yes, there is God!”

So wait! Decisions have to be made when there is light.

When you are again loving this woman and things are flowing and everything is beautiful, ecstatic, then decide, and if you want to separate, separate! But don’t decide in the nighttime. That’s why I say to prolong it, to watch. This will go.

There is a third state also, the transcendental.

When you have seen both the day and the night again and again and again, then you know that something is higher than both. You, your witnessing capacity, is higher than both.

So there are three kinds of decisions. The first kind is a negative kind which makes life a desert. Then nothing blooms — it is a frustration, it is hell! The second kind of decision is the “yes” decision, the daytime decision — life becomes a joy, a celebration. There is delight and one feels very happy to be: this is what heaven is, paradise. And the third is neither light nor darkness — one simply decides out of one’s witnessing; out of all of the experiences of day and night together, one decides. That is the ultimate decision, that is what makes a man enlightened. So just wait, watch, see, and let the daytime come, mm? then decide.

Osho, This Is It!, Talk #3

(This title is no longer available at Osho’s request)

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Just Say “Yes”!

“Life cannot be lived through no, and those who try to live life through no simply go on missing life. One cannot make an abode out of no, because no is just empty. No is like darkness. Darkness has no real existence; it is simply the absence of light. That’s why you cannot do anything with darkness directly. You cannot push it out of the room, you cannot throw it into the neighbor’s house; you cannot bring more darkness into your house. Nothing can be done directly with darkness, because it is not. If you want to do something with the darkness, turn the light off; if you don’t want darkness, put the light on. But all that you have to do has to be done with light.

“In exactly the same way, yes is light, no is darkness. If you really want to do anything in your life, you have to learn the way of yes. And yes is tremendously beautiful; just to say it is so relaxing. Let it become your very lifestyle. Say yes to the trees and the birds and people, and you will be surprised: life becomes a blessing if you are there to say yes to it. Life becomes a great adventure.”

Zorba the Buddha

The Method:

When: Every night, before sleeping, for at least 10 minutes; then again the first thing in the morning for at least 3 minutes. Also in the day, whenever you feel negative, sit on your bed and do it. 

Step 1: “Start putting your energy into yes, make a mantra of yes. Sitting on your bed, begin repeating ‘Yes…yes….’ Get in tune with it. First you will be just repeating it and then get into the feel of it, begin to sway with it. Allow it to come all over your being from head to toe. Let it penetrate you deeply. 

Step 2: “If you can’t say it out loud, at least silently say ‘Yes…yes…yes!’”

Osho, The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the Sun, Talk #15 (This title is no longer available at Osho’s request)

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Two Passive Techniques

In a situation where you can’t do active techniques? Here are two simple but effective passive methods. And remember, you will find many more in the regularly rotated “Meditation of the Week” and “Meditation For Busy People.”

1. Watching the Breath

Breath-watching is a method that can be done anywhere, at any time, even if you have only a few minutes available. You can simply watch the rise and fall of your chest or belly as the breath comes in and goes out, or try this version….

Step 1: Watch the In Breath

Close your eyes and start watching your breath. First, the inhalation, from where it enters your nostrils, right down into your lungs.

Step 2: Watch the Gap That Follows

At the end of the inhalation there is gap, before the exhalation starts. It is of immense value. Watch that gap.

Step 3: Watch the Out Breath

Now watch the exhalation.

Step 4: Watch the Gap That Follows

At the end of the exhalation there is a second gap: watch that gap. Do these four steps for two to three times – just watching the breathing cycle, not changing it in anyway, just watching the natural rhythm.

Step 5: Counting In Breaths

Now start counting: Inhalation – count 1 (don’t count the exhalation), inhalation – 2, and so on, up to 10. Then count from 10 back to 1. Sometimes you may forget to watch the breath or you may count beyond 10. Then start again, at 1.

“These two things have to be remembered: watching, and particularly the gaps at the top and the bottom. The experience of that gap is you, your innermost core, your being. And second: go on counting, but not more than up to 10; and come back again to 1; and only count the inhalation.

These things help awareness. You have to be aware, otherwise you will start counting the exhalation, or you will go over 10.

If you enjoy this meditation, continue it. It is of immense value.” Osho

More Passive Techniques:

2. Four Levels of Relaxing

This particular method is useful for those time when you are sick because it helps build a loving connection, to create a rapport between yourself and your bodymind. Then you can take an active part in your own healing process.

Step 1: The Body

“Remember as many times as possible to look into the body and see whether you are carrying some tension in the body somewhere – the neck, the head or the legs…. Relax it consciously. Just go to that part of the body, and persuade that part, say to it lovingly ‘Relax!’

You will be surprised that if you approach any part of your body, it listens, it follows you – it is your body! With closed eyes, go inside the body from the toe to the head, searching for any place where there is a tension. And then talk to that part as you talk to a friend; let there be a dialogue between you and your body. Tell it to relax, and tell it, ‘There is nothing to fear. Don´t be afraid. I am here to take care; you can relax.’ Slowly slowly, you will learn the knack of it. Then the body becomes relaxed.”

Step 2: The Mind

“Then take another step, a little deeper; tell the mind to relax. And if the body listens, the mind also listens. But you cannot start with the mind, you have to start from the beginning. You cannot start from the middle. Many people start with the mind and they fail; they fail because they start from a wrong place. Everything should be done in the right order.

If you become capable of relaxing the body voluntarily, then you will be able to help your mind relax voluntarily. The mind is a more complex phenomenon. Once you have become confident that the body listens to you, you will have a new trust in yourself. Now even the mind can listen to you. It will take a little longer with the mind, but it happens.”

Step 3: The Heart

“When the mind is relaxed, then start relaxing your heart, the world of your feelings, emotions, which is even more complex, more subtle. But now you will be moving with trust, with great trust in yourself. Now you will know it is possible. If it is possible with the body and possible with the mind, it is possible with the heart too.”

Step 4: Being

“Then only, when you have gone through these three steps, can you take the fourth. Now you can go to the innermost core of your being, which is beyond body, mind and heart: the very center of your existence.

You will be able to relax it, too, and that relaxation certainly brings the greatest joy possible, the ultimate in ecstasy and acceptance. You will be full of bliss and rejoicing. Your life will have the quality of dance to it.”

(Osho: The Dhammapada: the Way of the Buddha Vol. 1,#8)

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Change Your Focus To the Gaps

Buddha used to say that when a thought arises, note down that a thought is arising. Just inside, note it: now a thought is arising, now a thought has arisen, now a thought is disappearing. Just remember that now the thought is arising, now the thought has arisen, now the thought is disappearing, so that you don't get identified with it.

It is very beautiful and very simple. A desire arises. You are walking on the road; a beautiful car passes by. You look at it ― and you have not even looked and the desire to possess it arises. Do it. In the beginning just verbalize; just say slowly, “I have seen a car. It is beautiful. Now a desire has arisen to possess it.” Just verbalize.

In the beginning it is good; if you can say it loudly, it is very good. Say loudly, ‘I am just noting that a car has passed, the mind has said it is beautiful, and now desire has arisen and I must possess this car.’ Verbalize everything, speak loudly to yourself and immediately you will feel that you are different from it. Note it.

When you have become efficient in noting, there is no need to say it loudly. Just inside, note that a desire has arisen. A beautiful woman passes; the desire has come in. Just note it ― as if you are not concerned, you are just noting the fact that is happening ― and then suddenly you will be out of it.

Buddha says, “Note down whatsoever happens. Just go on noting, and when it disappears, again note that now that desire has disappeared, and you will feel a distance from the desire, from the thought.”

And if you can consider that a desire has arisen and a desire has gone and you have remained in the gap and the desire has not disturbed you.... It came, it went. It was there, and it is now not there, and you have remained unperturbed, you have remained as you were before it. There has been no change in you. It came and it passed like a shadow. It has not touched you; you remain unscarred.

Consider this movement of desire and movement of thought but no movement in you. Consider and dissolve in the beauty. And that interval is beautiful. Dissolve in that interval. Fall in the gap and be the gap. It is the deepest experience of beauty. And not only of beauty, but of good and of truth also. In the gap you are.

Osho, The Book of Secrets, Talk #55

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